Just for laughs

LOVE & CHOCOLATE

Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.  --Joan Crawford

If you love a man, set him free. If he comes back, it means he's forgotten his sandwiches.  --Jasmine Birtles

Now, let's focus on what's really important on Valentine's Day: Chocolate........

There's nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate. -- Linda Grayson, The Pickwick Papers

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Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. -- Seymore Cray

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Cup of Tea

One day my mother was out and my dad was in charge. I was maybe 1 and a half years old.

Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift and it was one of my favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news and my brother was playing nearby in the living room when I brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water.

After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my Mom came home. My Dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was just the cutest thing!!

My Mom waited, and sure enough, here I come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet??

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Hell and Heaven are both here on earth ... with Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday in between.

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Dilbertisms

"Locally we have a grocery chain called Bi-Lo.  We were sitting around the office one day talking about living on farms and drinking milk from the cows.  One girl said she wouldn't drink milk from a cow, only milk from Bi-Lo.  The stunned silence was deafening."

"We were given our yearly evaluations and handed our objectives for the upcoming year: "Everyone must exceed the Team Average in sales dollars."

My boss explained that this was not a case of exceeding a previous average; all ten of us were expected to be above whatever our current average was."

"My business partner and his wife were traveling out west and decided to visit Hoover Dam.  As they neared this great engineering feat she noticed all the power lines extending from the dam and commented to him, 'Gee, I never would have guessed it takes so much power to run a dam.'"

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I do too have an open mind - it's just closed for repairs at the moment.

Don't kiss women who work in banks, they're tellers!

Did you ever notice that in bookstores you can find the diet and exercise books right between humor and fiction?

Some people are so lazy, that they don't even exercise good judgement!

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

Getting old is when a narrow waist and a broad mind change places!

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I'll bet what motivated the British to colonize so much of the world is that they were just looking for a decent meal.

--Martha Harrison

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INDUHVIDUAL QUOTES

"I'd like to wish a happy 15th anniversary to our extinguished colleague."

"You couldn't pay me to work on commission."

"They're going through paper like it grows on trees."

If the world were a logical place, men would ride side-saddle. --Rita Mae Brown

If a small thing has the power to make you angry, does that not indicate something about your size? --Sidney J. Harris

If you haven't any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble. --Bob Hope

If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job. -- Malcolm Forbes

If you would civilize a man, begin with his grandmother.   --Victor Hugo

If you want to have love in your life, don't forget to put some life in your love. --Dr. Mardy Grothe

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Quote of the Day...

Pixel, n.: A mischievous, magical spirit associated with screen displays. The computer industry has frequently borrowed from mythology:

Witness the sprites in computer graphics, the demons in artificial intelligence, and the trolls in the marketing department.

-- Jeff Meyer

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