The media has a tendency to portray extremes — either very happy couples in comedies or very unhappy and intense couples in dramas. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. So what are the signs of a healthy relationship?
1. Giving space: Those in healthy relationships are not clingy or overly dependent and they can give each other space in which to do their own thing. This doesn’t mean that they don’t do anything together — on the contrary. But they don’t feel they have to be at each other’s side like heart lung machines. And they don’t watch every move of their partner jealously. They are happy in themselves and don’t need to get constant minute-by-minute approval, but they give support when it is called for.
2. Positive input: Couples who are happy together don’t put each other down in front of friends or family. They discuss the problems they may have in private and don’t use social gatherings to air their grievances. There are few things less attractive than a husband or wife making cutting or damaging remarks to their spouse in front of others. Do this, and be prepared for a social life that grinds to a halt.
3. Quiet times together: Happy couples do not need to talk to each other constantly. They can be quiet together as well — reading, pottering around the house or whatever, happy in the knowledge that the other person is around, albeit quietly.
4. Equal sharing of responsibility: This is a huge one. If the major portion of the housework or the responsibility for the children and the household falls on one person, there is a problem. If only one of the spouses has a full-time job, it is only fair that the lion’s share of the household tasks be done by the other spouse. But in many cases, they both work full-time, yet one person still assumes more or less total responsibility for the household.
5. Sense of humour: If a couple can laugh together, chances are that they will stay together for a long time. It also means they have a similar outlook on life, and similar values and perceptions.
6. Enjoy socialising: Isolation is always a bad sign. Couples who don’t take trouble over friendships or who don’t make an effort to see people regularly, are probably not very happy. Jealous spouses often try and isolate their partner from friends.
7. Good sex life: What constitutes a good sex life is anyone’s guess — different strokes for different folks, so to speak. But the essential thing is that the couple themselves has to be happy with it. Open communication about sex is essential — if a couple can do this, there is little that will be able to destroy their relationship.
8. Joint financial responsibility: This does not necessarily mean that each of the spouses has to contribute an equal amount, but it does mean that each spouse takes on a share of responsibility. This implies that neither of them will go out and buy designer clothes or golf clubs when the family is in financial trouble. A family is a unit and should function in that way.
9. Respect: This is both respect for one another, for the children and for other family members — whether you particularly like them or not. Yes, respect is mostly something that needs to be earned, but if you show no respect for your spouse or other family, you can hardly expect any in return.
10. Room to grow: Happy couples accept that personalities and interests are not static. People change and their interests can also change over time. Happy couples allow each other the space within which this can happen. Unhappy couples try and pin someone down into a predictable and unchanging pattern.
Source: 10 secrets for happy couples
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