10 tips to keep stalkers at bay

-- Haimanti Mukherjee

To accept the end of a relationship is always difficult. While some of us manage, given time and counselling from friends or family, there are some who are more inclined to go over the edge.

They become obsessive and fail to accept the real picture. One of the major problems in our urban world is the rise of stalking exes. Stalking is usually understood as behaviour involving unwanted, pathological attention towards another individual. Stalkers tend to repeatedly follow, harass and threaten people making lives difficult. In some cases they might become violent too.

Psychiatrist Dr Sanjay Chugh explains, "Stalkers would mostly stalk those with whom they want to initiate a relationship or those who have rejected them in the past. They could be intrusive and persistent in their behaviour with little recognition of the other person's personal boundaries. They may interpret rejection as a sign of the victim's continued interest and obsession with them and so, feel justified in their actions. Therefore, they are at times hard to get rid of. Many of them are narcissists and thus, lack empathy, feel omnipotent and immune to the consequences of their actions."

Police complaints on stalking exes are on an all-time high, but it's still grey area for the victims because the laws regarding stalking are not clear in India yet. It becomes imperative, in such a scenario, to take a few cautionary measures if matters start getting out of hand. Here are a few simple ways in which you can stay out of harm's way...

1.    Always talk to the people you are living with if you sense danger. It can be your parents, your roommate, your friends, your employers etc. They should know about your ex's obsessive behaviour, and his basic details.

2.    You are the person who can best gauge how bad the problem is. Do not think since you have been in a relationship in the past that the stalking ex won't be inclined to do you harm. Most people who stalk you have lost their sense of right and wrong.

3.    Keep a track of the abusive messages or calls you receive from him. If it comes to a point that you have to file a police complaint, they would ask for evidence, and you should keep it ready. Do not take it lightly.

4.    Find out the existing laws about stalking in your country. Talk to cops if you think matters are getting out of hand.

5.    Carry pepper spray and keep your eyes and ears open. Try and travel in crowded places. Avoid lonely stretches, and places you know your ex would frequent.

6.    Change the lock of your house in case he has a key.

7.    Ask your phone service providers to block his number if he keeps calling you.

8.    Keep yourself strong. Never ever fall for his threats. Stalkers are essentially bullies, who want control over your mind.

9.    Let some of his friends and family know of his obsessive, stalking tendencies.

10.  Make sure to block your stalker on all social networking sites.

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