Ravinder Singh
Ravinder Singh, best-selling author of books I Too Had A Love Story and Can Love Happen Twice? doles out some advice for couples.
I am not sure if writing romantic fiction by default qualifies me to as a love pandit. Nevertheless, since I was asked to write on this subject I thought I'll speak as a person who had once fallen in love, lived through and experienced the ups and downs of a relationship. And when it comes to 'What not to do in a relationship', I will heavily rely on the subject of my second novel Can Love Happen Twice?, which takes about the modern days romance complexities. So here I go:
· If you believe in the saying, 'love is blind', I would say don't open your eyes. You will only end up finding the everyday faults in each other after you have committed to each other. And chances are, this fault finding will not be one-sided and give birth to reciprocity which will weaken the bond you share.
· But my better advice would be, not to get carried away with the thought that love is blind in the first place.
· Keep your eyes open before you commit. The challenge is how to connect those eyes with the brain and not every time with your heart.
· Always remember, this is the most important decision of your life and you should be mature while accepting or making a proposal.
· When it comes to this relationship it is seldom 'my way or the highway'. You will only give yourself fragile hope if you think your partner will behave as you want.
· Be realistic. S/he has a heart and brain the way you do and that's why you fell for her/him in the first place. Don't ever believe that you won't be making any compromises. You have made them so far and you will continue to do so.
· If you haven't compromised ever, tell me how, I need to learn it from you.
· Romance is not the only thing in your life and there is a life beyond it. Let it not consume you.
· You have a social circle, you have office work, you have a family to look after and then you have your own privacy. Don't stretch your romantic life into endless long chats, overnight phone calls, sharing SMSes every 15 minutes and kill the other aspects of your life.
· On one hand this overdose of romance, in the long run, will make you lose the charm of it early. On the other hand, it will disconnect you from your other chores and responsibilities which you were involved in before that someone special fell for you.
· Don't make it a relationship where in you don't respect each other. This relationship isn't that of a master and slave.
· Respect for each other and decisions the two people make are of utmost importance. Give the right to make decisions and if they go wrong in execution, then learn from them and agree what not to do the next time.
· Don't wait for too long to get rid of any sort of suspicion in a relationship. Many a love stories have broken just because suspicion overtook trust in the relationship. That's why it needs to be kept under check. Suspicion, if not handled at the right time, only flourishes and before you know it becomes a bigger demon from a small devil.
· Remember this relationship is different than other relationships, for almost all of the others are blood relationships. You don't choose who will be your mother and can't change who is your brother. You have to accept all those relationships. But unlike in those relationships, in this particular relationship you choose your partner. And you choose him/her for the rest of your life -- therefore it is the most important decision of your life.
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