Spot the pervert in your office

By Mail Today | SHE

A WOMAN can tell a nice guy from a pervert. They have a sixth sense. But what happens when the sixth sense gets a bit jaded? Or if there isn't much time for it to give you warning signals — like in the case of the hotel maid who was chased by a nude IMF boss who had just stepped out of his bath. Clearly we need a guideline for women so that they can watch out for office perverts.

POWER ABUSER

The most dangerous of the lot. He uses his power and position to get women to do whatever he wants. Dominique Strauss Kahn is an apt example.

THE OGLE-MONSTER

Yes research suggests that all men are bound to stare at women. It is what they call 'basic instinct'. But some men have an overdose of the 'ogle' gene. Now this particular creature stares shamelessly at every woman who comes his way. It doesn't matter if she is fat, thin, ugly or sexy… he finds something to stare about in the woman. He usually lurks around in the reception or the corridors to find a new prey.

TOUCH THERAPIST

He's that sweet, little harmless guy, who's wife packs a threestorey lunch- box for him. Who would have thought he is a pervert! For this father- ofthree, his looks can be quite deceptive. He is sweet, polite and looks harmless, but the sweet- talker doesn't forget to pat you on your back every time he says 'hi' — nor does he forget to throw a quick glance at your bums the moment you turn around.

THE DIRTY TALKER

Everything he says has a dual innuendo. And the worst part is that you can't really tick him off for talking dirty to you. Jasmine Singh, business analyst, tells us about her tryst with the dirty talker. "One day while deciding what place to go to for lunch someone suggested my favourite lunch place, to which I said — 'Oh! I never say no to that place'. The dirty talker's response was almost immediate — 'What else do you never say no to?' The smirk on his face and the gleaming eyes were just so hard to miss."

THE WINKY- WONKER

It will take you just about four days to diagnose that the man is suffering from the winking disease. "He never shies away from winking at you every single time he passes by and for no particular reason. I had a colleague who winked at me every time he cracked a silly joke, as if I was his best bud for 20 decades!" says Nidhi Sharma, a brand manager with a food retail chain.

MR SQUINT

This man does not have a squint, nor does he have a crick in the neck. "He is the one who often has to be reminded that a woman's face is five inches above from where he's looking," says Sharma.

BRA SPOTTERS

In a blog called Adventures of the office pervert, the blogger gives a detailed tutorial on how to spot a woman's bra. He sits right next to you and discreetly peers through the gaps in your blouse (if you are wearing a buttoned blouse).

You will sometimes find him standing behind you while you are working on your computer. No points for guessing what he's looking at!

Source: Spot the pervert in your office

Top foods for boosting immunity

Preventing disease through healthy eating

During the monsoon, as the nights get colder, your chances of picking up a nasty bug or dose of the flu are likely to be much greater. As a result, it’s important to maintain a strong immune system, to keep as healthy as possible. Here’s the realbuzz.com guide to the best foods to eat if you want to improve your immune system.

Monsoon can be a hugely vulnerable time for the body, with pesky germs thriving on the warmth of well-incubated office blocks, houses and shops. With so much illness about, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll feel a slight twinge in your throat at some point. But thankfully there are easy ways to combat the onset of germs. Indeed, you can save yourself a lot time and money by avoiding the pharmacy altogether and simply eating your way towards better immunity.

White blood cells in the body work to fight bacteria and harmful toxins. However, to perform effectively, these cells need to regenerate in an effort to defend you from feeling ill. There are a number of key foods we can consume to feed our white blood cells with the nutrients they need to thrive and these may include the following:

Eating yoghurt for better immunity — Judging from their frequently bad press, you might assume that all forms of bacteria are out to get you. Thankfully, this couldn’t be further from the truth. ‘Good’ bacteria is great for regulating the immune system, by increasing its antibodies and preventing the rise of pathogenic organisms like salmonella and E.coli. Many yoghurts include a high volume of ‘good’ bacteria so if you want to develop your flagging immune system, a few quick spoonfuls could really help you out!

Eating fresh fruit and vegetables for better immunity — Cheap and easy to buy, fresh fruit and veg is perfect for boosting your white blood cells. Packed with phytonutrients, the likes of peppers and broccoli strengthen the immune system by rebuilding damaged cells and enhancing new ones. Eating fruit is also essential in fuelling any healthy immune system. Naturally detoxifying, fruit contains a number of antioxidants that shield white blood cells from harm. So why not grab some now?

Eating spinach for better immunity — Whilst eating spinach won’t be enough to turn you into Popeye, it’s certainly excellent for boosting the body’s immunity from illness. Spinach and other leafy foods like kale and collard are high in folate which is vital in preventing DNA and blood vessel damage. It may not be the most appealing dish to come home to in the evening, but a plate of spinach really could keep you healthy through the dark monsoon months ahead.

Eating oysters for better immunity — Oysters may be renowned for boosting the sex drive, but these slimy molluscs are also ideal if you’re looking to improve your immune system. Oysters are crammed with zinc, which can really enhance your immunity by helping white blood cells reproduce more quickly. Zinc also strengthens antibodies, making them more efficient at warding off infection. So, to keep your body in sync, just eat some zinc!

Eating garlic for better immunity — Whilst it wouldn’t be wise to eat it on a hot date with a sexy stunner, garlic is nevertheless a fantastic infection deterrent. Containing key anti-virus elements like allicin and ajoene, garlic juice alone can clear up fungal maladies and even disinfect wounds. All things in moderation though; just make sure it doesn’t immunise your chances of scoring tonight ...

Eating carrots for better immunity — Carrots aren’t just for rabbits, you know. Try and munch a few if you’re looking to avoid the curse of a nasty cough or cold. Carrots are full of beta-carotene which bolsters the number of white blood cells in the immune system, as well as T cells. So if you’re looking to go to war with an evil disease microbe, it might well be time you crunched on a bit of orange ...

Maintaining a strong immune system doesn’t have to be rocket science, just as long as you enjoy a healthy diet, rich in certain nutrients. Whilst foods like oysters and carrots won’t be dead-certs when it comes to fighting off illness, they’ll do you a lot more good than if you’re stuffing yet another quarter-pounder into your mouth. So put down the pasty and get chomping on some immunising foods.

Source: Top foods for boosting immunity

Beauty splash–Aloe vera, nature’s beautician!

By Mdhil

Aloe vera, which is mostly used to treat various skin conditions and topically heal wounds, can be traced back to early Egypt where it was called the ‘plant of immortality.’

What is aloe vera?

Aloe vera, (pronounced alo vera) which is said to have originated from Africa, is a stem-less or very short-stemmed succulent plant with fleshy green leaves.

Aloe vera, which is also called the ‘burnt plant’ with its anti-inflammatory, anti-healing, healing and cooling properties, is the main ingredient in several skin care products. In addition, aloe vera is rich in amino acids, vitamins A, F, C and B.

For years researchers have been conducting studies to learn the benefits of aloe vera and have found that the plant does have properties that can be effective in treating several skin conditions, minor skin infections and also burns and wounds.

Aloe vera gel is the transparent, juicy substance found in the long thick-skinned leaves of the plant. This gel is suitable for all skin types. Even people with sensitive skin can use the aloe vera gel.

Various uses of aloe vera

·         Anti-aging agent: Aloe vera protects, nourishes and moisturizes your skin. According to a study published in the Molecular and Cellular Biochemistry magazine, aloe vera, when applied topically, improves the levels of collagen. Aloe vera also protects your face from developing fine lines.

Before going to bed, gently massage a thin layer of fresh aloe vera on your face, around the eyes and the corners of your mouth. This will keep your skin younger looking.

·         Aloe vera as moisturiser: Apply aloe vera on the skin before the application of make-up. This will prevent your skin from drying. Even men can use the aloe vera gel like an aftershave. The healing properties will help in treating the minor nicks and cuts caused while shaving. During winter your skin tends to dry more often. To keep your skin hydrated, make a mask by mixing equal parts of honey and aloe vera gel (pure extract from the plant) and apply on your face. Wash it off with warm water after 15 minutes for a glowing, soft skin.

·         Aloe vera for treating acne: For those suffering from acne, aloe vera with its anti-inflammatory properties is a blessing. According to a study conducted by the University of Maryland Medical Center, aloe vera gel has more anti-inflammatory properties than one percent of cortisone cream. It also has strong antibacterial properties, which will heal the skin quickly and naturally with very little scarring.

·         Aloe vera to reduce stretch marks: Want to get rid of those ugly stretch marks you gained due to weight gain or pregnancy? Hundreds of women try scores of cosmetics to hide these scars, but in vain. Stretch marks are nothing but tiny tears in the skin caused due to sudden and excessive stretching. Aloe vera gel can help you with that. Regular application of aloe vera gel helps in hiding these marks by healing the wounds.

·         Aloe vera for sunburns: Application of aloe vera gel on sun burns will reduce the pain as well as the swelling and keep your skin moisturised. Recovery will be quicker if your skin retains its moisture.

·         In addition, aloe vera also acts as a brightening gel by removing dead cells and keeps oiliness under check.

So go ahead and make aloe vera a part of your daily beauty regime for a glowing, supple and spotless skin!

Source: Beauty splash–Aloe vera, nature’s beautician!

Ten social networking facts you MUST know

Dhiraj Kumar

Dhiraj Kumar, author of The Asocial Network writes exclusively for Rediff.com on the social networking tips that you MUST know.

The fact that you are reading this article, means that you are somehow related to this infinite platform called social networking for your daily dose of societal needs.

You may also be tempted to check your profile all the time in search of ever eluding comments and posts directly related to you. You may also be having a very good fan following and good bunch of close, bubbly and effervescent friends, who are more than happy to like your posts and comment on your status every time you chose to communicate.

You are having all the fun on social networking but somehow missing something which you think is possessed by others. You must first understand that there is no substitute of real interactions.

Social networking is just a digital medium that seeks to prolong or even accentuate this communication process, with the help of digital media contents like pictures, messages and comments.

So what exactly is social networking? Quite simply put, it is just a platform that first seeks to build relatedness amongst its userbase by allowing them to open account and then provide unique features and concepts that are especially designed to engage people's attention.

1.    Social networking thrives on the compulsion of its user base to exhibit a virtual living, on the other hand, its user base are all the more happy in the company of their individual accounts intricately linked with hundred others while performing the most typical of human behaviour.

2.    You account on social networking is just a projected image of your real existence. It does not make you popular just because you have chosen to be vocal about all your worldly feelings. Neither does it make you an unpopular just because you have chosen to use it sparingly.

3.    Like all software, social networking, too has a weakness or I would say limitation -- regardless of the effort you put in on social networking to stay relevant in your friend circle or however hard you try to impress others with your charisma, in the end what matters to you is what you are actually doing in your real life.

4.    Social networking does not create new friends neither does it breed hostility or ill-will all on its own. If you are having a good camaraderie with your friends and colleague, it would show on social networking. Similarly if you have chosen to be not very sociable in reality then your profile too would reflect this.

5.    Pictures are the power horse of all social networking websites. They rule the roost for the owners of this platform by providing the most engaging form of all human interactions. People are involuntarily driven towards good looking pictures, which may or may not be those of their acquaintance or friends. Having a good profile picture  goes a long way in creating a unique, affable and liking  personality.

6.    Overdoing is a sign of desperation and loneliness. Do not try to smother your friends by consistently updating your wall with all sorts of one-liners, photographs and videos. You should be selective and discretional in all your comments which helps in creating a distinct, powerful, articulated  and unique personality. 

7.    No doubt, that among all media of social exchange, the written words have the distinct capability of appearing more powerful and impressive than all others. And the fact that people can actually read your comments and messages over and over again, makes it imperative that you do not commit silly mistakes. Besides you can score brownie points by being humorous and intelligent.

8.    Whenever you are communicating with others on social networking, you are trying to  project an image that should reconcile with your true existence. Most of the times people are seen going overboard or trying too much to impress their friends. This is often interpreted as your weakness the result of having a less stronger personality.

9.    Resist from posting sundry photographs of you and your family, doing all sorts of daily routine work. Resist from posting obsence comments; avoid liking and commenting on sexually explicit contents. Remember, people do not like to be associated with a psychopath or a voyeur, because they have a feeling that they are being watch by their close friends all the time.

10.  Social networking is not entertainment. You indulge yourself when you play games, or go out with your family or simply watch a movie with your friends. You just overburden your mind by constantly seeking feedback from your friends on social networking. If you do not get this feedback instantaneously, you are down, and you trigger some actions.  You keep on sensing the mood of the public space, until your mind get bored and you log out.

Source: Ten social networking facts you MUST know

Advice from the heart: What NOT to do in a relationship

Ravinder Singh

Ravinder Singh, best-selling author of books I Too Had A Love Story and Can Love Happen Twice? doles out some advice for couples.

I am not sure if writing romantic fiction by default qualifies me to as a love pandit. Nevertheless, since I was asked to write on this subject I thought I'll speak as a person who had once fallen in love, lived through and experienced the ups and downs of a relationship. And when it comes to 'What not to do in a relationship', I will heavily rely on the subject of my second novel Can Love Happen Twice?, which takes about the modern days romance complexities. So here I go:

·         If you believe in the saying, 'love is blind', I would say don't open your eyes. You will only end up finding the everyday faults in each other after you have committed to each other. And chances are, this fault finding will not be one-sided and give birth to reciprocity which will weaken the bond you share.

·         But my better advice would be, not to get carried away with the thought that love is blind in the first place.

·         Keep your eyes open before you commit. The challenge is how to connect those eyes with the brain and not every time with your heart.

·         Always remember, this is the most important decision of your life and you should be mature while accepting or making a proposal.

·         When it comes to this relationship it is seldom 'my way or the highway'. You will only give yourself fragile hope if you think your partner will behave as you want.

·         Be realistic. S/he has a heart and brain the way you do and that's why you fell for her/him in the first place. Don't ever believe that you won't be making any compromises. You have made them so far and you will continue to do so.

·         If you haven't compromised ever, tell me how, I need to learn it from you.

·         Romance is not the only thing in your life and there is a life beyond it. Let it not consume you.

·         You have a social circle, you have office work, you have a family to look after and then you have your own privacy. Don't stretch your romantic life into endless long chats, overnight phone calls, sharing SMSes every 15 minutes and kill the other aspects of your life.

·         On one hand this overdose of romance, in the long run, will make you lose the charm of it early. On the other hand, it will disconnect you from your other chores and responsibilities which you were involved in before that someone special fell for you.

·         Don't make it a relationship where in you don't respect each other. This relationship isn't that of a master and slave.

·         Respect for each other and decisions the two people make are of utmost importance. Give the right to make decisions and if they go wrong in execution, then learn from them and agree what not to do the next time.

·         Don't wait for too long to get rid of any sort of suspicion in a relationship. Many a love stories have broken just because suspicion overtook trust in the relationship. That's why it needs to be kept under check. Suspicion, if not handled at the right time, only flourishes and before you know it becomes a bigger demon from a small devil.

·         Remember this relationship is different than other relationships, for almost all of the others are blood relationships. You don't choose who will be your mother and can't change who is your brother. You have to accept all those relationships. But unlike in those relationships, in this particular relationship you choose your partner. And you choose him/her for the rest of your life -- therefore it is the most important decision of your life.

Source: Advice from the heart: What NOT to do in a relationship

20 tips to cope with pregnancy

With pregnancy comes many different emotions, challenges and sometimes fears. With such a positive outcome you have lots to look forward to as an expecting parent, but to get you through those nine months of uncertainty, here are 20 top tips to make life a little easier.

RealBuzz

Top tips to get you through your pregnancy

1.    Pregnancy tip 1: Get enough sleep

With approximately 8 out of 10 women suffering from insomnia while pregnant, for those of you lucky enough to drift off at your leisure, be sure to make the most of this luxury. You need as much energy as possible while carrying your child and sleep is the easiest way to get it, so aim for eight hours per night, with naps if you can afford them.

2.    Pregnancy tip 2: Keep hydrated

Dehydration can cause tiredness, headaches and dizziness so be sure to keep your water intake topped up while you're pregnant. Many of the smaller ailments that come with pregnancy can be prevented or eased by drinking enough water, but keep your caffeine intake to less than 200mg per day and avoid alcoholic drinks.

3.    Pregnancy tip 3: Cope with nausea and sickness

Eating small frequent meals, drinking plenty of fluids and resting should prevent that nauseous feeling in the early stages of pregnancy. Morning sickness in particular is thought to be heightened by hunger, so try to eat a small snack before bed to hopefully ward off this queasy feeling when you wake.

4.    Pregnancy tip 4: Prevent stretch marks

Stretch marks on the breasts and stomach as they enlarge are indeed one of the downsides of pregnancy, but prevention is better than cure, so start applying skincare oil before your bump starts to show as this will strengthen the skin to hopefully prevent permanent scarring.

5.    Pregnancy tip 5: Talk things through

The worries and anxieties that are naturally on your mind while pregnant will increase your stress levels if not addressed. Speak with a doctor, your partner or close friend to share your concerns and hopefully halve the problem, as stress is not good for you or your baby. You'll be surprised how something so simple can help you feel so much better.

6.    Pregnancy tip 6: Attend antenatal classes

Antenatal classes are the best way to receive all the important information you need while expecting. Everything will be answered which means you have no room for your mind to wander and worry about the 'what ifs'. Being in the company of other expecting parents will also provide you with the support you need.

7.    Pregnancy tip 7: Alleviate sore breasts

As hormones surge through your body and your breasts enlarge it is quite common for them to throb or tingle. Wear a well-fitting and supportive bra (preferably non-underwired) and a cotton sleep bra during the night. Gentle massage may also ease the aching.

8.    Pregnancy tip 8: Put your feet up

As your baby grows inside you the weight exerted on the rest of your body increases, so naturally your poor feet and legs will suffer. Be sure to routinely take the weight off your feet by propping them up on the sofa or a foot stool, which will also hopefully prevent varicose veins.

9.    Pregnancy tip 9: Improve your circulation

Swollen ankles, feet and fingers are a downside of pregnancy, but try some gentle exercises to stimulate blood flow and reduce water retention. Bend and stretch your feet and hands up and down while pointing your toes and fingers, then rotate your feet and hands eight times to the left, then the right in circular motions.

10. Pregnancy tip 10: Keep calm and de-stressed

Being stress-free is better for your baby as high blood pressure can wreak all sorts of havoc on your baby's development. Having relaxing warm (not hot) baths, getting your partner to rub your feet and even something as small as enjoying a cup of tea with your favourite magazine will all contribute to a relaxed pregnancy state.

11. Pregnancy tip 11: Do things for you

With so much preparation for the baby, it can be easy to forget to take care of yourself and indulge -after all, you're doing all the hard work so you deserve a treat. Book in for a blow dry or manicure, enjoy watching a film or meet up with a friend. Treating yourself to the odd purchase while shopping for the essential baby items will also lift your spirits.

12. Pregnancy tip 12: Coping with pregnancy cravings

It is unknown why women crave certain things during pregnancy, but it is most likely down to hormonal changes (isn't everything?!). It is indeed satisfying to 'give in' to the foods you crave, but eating a varied diet full of different colours, textures and tastes should help if you want to manage the cravings that aren't so healthy.

13. Pregnancy tip 13: Enjoy exercise

Gentle exercise will play its part in controlling low moods, which can be common due to your change in hormones, as well as weight gain during pregnancy. Swimming, yoga and even low intensity aerobics will give you a healthy dose of endorphins and will support your body during the strains of pregnancy and labour. Just don't overdo it and be aware of the precautions.

14. Pregnancy tip 14: Coping with the 'un-pleasantries'

Haemorrhoids, vaginal discharge and constipation are just some of the less pleasant bodily functions that crop up during pregnancy. While there are remedies available to alleviate these discomforts, try to accept them as being par for the course. Wear comfortable clothing and enjoy frequent showers or bubble baths.

15. Pregnancy tip 15: Reducing backache

As the hollow of your back becomes more distinct and your joints become strained, backache can be very common during pregnancy. Wear flat shoes to evenly distribute your weight, sit with your back straight and use a support pillow. You could also treat yourself to a massage, try some yoga, or invest in a microwavable oat bag or hot water bottle.

16. Pregnancy tip 16: Enjoy your sex life

In most circumstances, sex with your partner during pregnancy can be perfectly safe, but it can bring with it challenges. During sex, the rush of blood to your breasts may make them tender, or you may feel uncomfortable if your partner's penis penetrates too deeply. Find comfortable positions such as lying on your sides, or finding other ways to be affectionate.

17. Pregnancy tip 17: Be organised

Nine months may seem like a long time, but boy does it fly by! The last thing you want as an expectant mum is last minute panic, stress or the feeling of having too much to do. Organisation is key during pregnancy; from basic necessities such as housework, to planning your hospital bag and nursery. Get out your diary and rope in friends to support your plans.

18. Pregnancy tip 18: Voice your needs

Keeping quiet and suffering in silence will not get you anywhere, and will only lead to increased stress levels (a big no no for mums to be!). Delegating and asking for favours is a must while pregnant as your body is going through too much to cope with the everyday alone. If you can't be bossy when you're carrying a child then when can you be?

19. Pregnancy tip 19: Coping with dizziness

Hot flushes and dizziness are a common side effect of pregnancy and often indicate that the brain is not receiving enough blood and oxygen. Take your time with everything you do during pregnancy - rushing is against the rules here mums! While you may be used to running around, ticking boxes, while pregnant you should think of yourself as being in slow motion to avoid head rushes, dizzy spells and even fainting.

20. Pregnancy tip 20: Controlling your bladder

During pregnancy as the baby's head presses against your bladder, you may feel the urge to urinate more frequently. To cope with this new urge, avoid drinking late at night to prevent the mid-slumber bathroom trip. Also, try gently rocking back and forth while on the toilet to help fully empty the bladder, meaning you won't need to empty it again so soon.

Source: 20 tips to cope with pregnancy

Avoid stress in 12 easy steps

Do you find it impossible to switch off and relax? Is the weight of the world always on your shoulders? Do the pressures of study and money worries cause you sleepless nights?

If the answer to these questions is yes, or if you are just feeling a little bit stressed, then you need to learn torelax. The average person spends 27 days a year worrying and feeling stressed, but you can avoid this byadopting one of the following lifestyle changes that are designed to help you chill out.

Have regular massages

Don't be fooled into thinking that massage is merely an indulgence or something you should only treat yourself to once or twice a year. Regular massage is incredibly beneficial - encouraging your muscles to relax and lengthen, improving blood flow, boosting your immune system and, last but not least, making you feel as chilled as a polar bear's cold bits.

Switch off your phone

Mobile phones were designed for one thing only - to disturb people. So switch your phone off, sit back and relax.

Listen to classical music

You might not think you like it, but research carried out at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, found that listening to soothing classical music will help you to calm down and relax. Try it when you get into bed to help you sleep.

Read a good book

Ever wondered why your doctor's surgery is littered with magazines? No, it's not because they are running two hours late - research has actually shown that a good read can do your health a whole lot of good. Health experts and doctors in North Lincolnshire have even gone as far as 'prescribing' books to patients to alleviate their anxiety levels. Participants then present the prescription at their local library and - literally - read themselves well.

We recommend that you read something fun and not related to work - the books that your lecturers 'prescribe' for you during the year are more likely to raise your anxiety levels than alleviate them.

Take up yoga

Is there anything yoga isn't good for? Aside from the numerous benefits to your physique, yoga is also adept at helping you sleep and reducing stress.

Have a nice cup of tea

No, we don't mean the classic English breakfast tea - switch to low-caffeine alternatives such as chamomile or peppermint, and you will soon be reaping the benefits.

Start eating right

Never underestimate the impact your diet has on your health and wellbeing. If you are constantly feeling irritable, unfit and highly-strung, chances are you are fuelling your body with the wrong foods. Cut down on caffeine, alcohol and foods that are high in fat and calories, and you will be feeling much better in no time.

Start working out

Eating right is all well and good, but adding regular exercise sessions will lower your anxiety levels even further. Numerous studies have shown that working up a sweat does wonders for your mental wellbeing, not to mention your sex life, sleep patterns and the obvious physical benefits.

Breathe easy

If you often feel rushed, short of breath or like there are a thousand and one thoughts running through your head at once, then make sure you take time each day to take your body to the other end of the scale. Set aside 20 minutes every day to stop what you are doing, sit down somewhere and meditate. Close your eyes and focus on your breathing until it naturally begins to slow down, leaving you feeling relaxed and in control.

Go box

It may sound surprising, but boxing is in fact a great way to lower your stress levels. Channelling your aggression at a punch bag or your sparring partner will release all your pent-up anger, as well as giving your fitness an overhaul.

Get a pet

Animals seem to have a magical effect on humans, so much so that hospitals and doctors are increasingly using them to treat their patients. It's not always so easy in student accommodation, but keeping a pet can dramatically decrease your stress levels. If you haven't got time for a cat or a dog, even a hamster or goldfish can be a fun addition to your household.

Get back to nature

Dropping the books and escaping from the city, even for a day, and interacting with nature will help you clear your head of muddle and allow you to spend some quality time on your own or with friends.

Source: Avoid stress in 12 easy steps

Irresistible qualities She adores

Women have been a subject for study by men all over the world from time immemorial. Women: brilliant, beautiful and a riddle wrapped in a mystery within a maze. The understanding of their actions and reactions has seemed to elude men for centuries, all over the globe. What is it that draws them to a man? What is it that they are looking for in the man of their dreams?

Despite our best efforts, we always fall far below their expectations. That one word which was wrongly used or that one gesture which sent them reeling off the edge.If only women could think like men do, life would be a walk in the park. Well, to help make this bumpy ride just a tad bit smoother for you, we present to you the four most over-rated qualities men believe women long for.

1. Honesty

It has been reiterated and retold, etched in our thinking: honesty is the best policy. We have practised it since we were a couple of five year old kids and it has been the foundation of our character to say the least. We expect our better half to applaud and appreciate us just like our teachers when we brave ourselves to walk down the courageous path of truth. So when she flutters her eyelashes at you with honey oozing out of every word and asks, 'do I look fat in this dress?' do not for a minute think that honesty will win your way to her heart. Sum up all the courage within you and say it as though you mean it that she definitely looks like a size zero. 

2. Humour

Humour to a woman is what a magnet is to a nail. With that in mind, we sit down for hours to do our homework,googling 'cocky and witty lines' or 'how to be funny', 'how to attract woman' and recite "I'd marry your cat just to get in the family" to make them want to stay away from the creeps in us for life.

3. Guardian Angel

We believe they want us to protect them, take care of them, pamper and be there for them around the clock. You take them out for lunch, drop them back home, call them up to know if they are safe and message them a gazillion times.If you think you are 'protecting' them from the evils that surrounds them then you couldn't be more wrong. All you end up doing is quite to the contrary in fact, suffocating them to death.

4. Generous

Women look for men who are absolute gems, generous and kind. Men who spend their money not only on themselves but on others, for the good of the society they live in. But when you do just that what is that you get out of it? Howls and cries about wasting money. Literal translation: they want you to be generous to them alone.

Source: Irresistible qualities She adores

Humour

"We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark;

the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light."

~Plato

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Kids are like farts. You dont mind your own, but other people's are unbearable.

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Gone fishing

This guy decided to take his little nephews fishing one morning. When the three returned, his wife asked, "What did you guys catch this morning?"

"Nothing," he grumbled.

"Well," said the Missus, "perhaps you'll have better luck this afternoon."

"Nope," he replied, "we won't be going fishing this afternoon. While I was driving, the little buggers ate all the bait."

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Armed Forces brilliance

·         "Aim towards the enemy." Instruction printed on a rocket launcher

·         "Cluster bombing is very, very accurate.  The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground." U.S.A.F.

·         "If the enemy is in range...so are you." U.S. Army Infantry Journal

·         "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it.  That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." U.S. Army's magazine of preventive maintenance

·         "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed." U.S. Air Force Manual

·         "Try to look  unimportant; they may be low on ammo." U.S. Army Infantry Journal

·         "Tracers work both ways." U.S. Army Ordinance

·         "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." Col. David Hackworth

·         "If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an ambush." U.S. Army Infantry Journal

·         "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." Joe Gay

·         "Any ship can be a minesweeper...once." Anonymous

·         "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." Unknown Army Recruit

·         "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." Your Buddies

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Yelling

My wife was screaming at me: "Leave!!  Get out of this house!" she ordered. As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

Puzzled, I turned around and asked "So now you want me to stay?"

I'll be out of the hospital in 10 days time.

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Office quotes

·         Nepotist company: We promote family values here - almost as often as we promote family members.

·         Leaders are like eagles. We dont have either of them here.

·         Until you spread your wings you'll have no idea how far you can walk.

·         Meetings: 'coz none of us individually is as dumb as all of us collectively.

·         If a pretty poster and a cute saying below it are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job...the kind robots will be doing soon.

·         As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.

·         Teamwork: A few flakes individually harmless working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.

·         Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams

·         Change: That short trip from riding the waves of change to being torn apart by the jaws of defeat.

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The survey

Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:

"Could you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a massive failure:

·         In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

·         In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

·         In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

·         In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.

·         In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant

·         In South America they didn't know what "please" meant

·         In the USA they didn't know what "the rest of the world"  meant.

·         In the UK they hung up as soon as they heard the Indian accent...

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Removeoneletterfilms

What would happen if one letter was removed from a film title?

·         iTanic - Apple makes an unsinkable ship

·         The Dark Night - The story of a usual evening

·         Mr & Mr Smith.  The story of a gay detective couple.

·         Tax Driver: "You didn't build that road. Somebody else made that happen."

·         Fat and Furious.  An obese man is kicked out of an all-you-can-eat Chinese buffet

·         Indian Jones - a Bollywood adventure film

·         Forrest Gum. The story of a new flavor from Wrigley's.

·         Now White - The story of Michael Jackson.

·         The Ark Knight Rises - Noah comes back with a vengeance.

·         Tar Wars - The intergalactic battle for the world's road surfaces

·         The Da Vinci Cod - Tom Hanks tries to find the legendary lost cod that da Vinci left in the Louvre

·         "O Brother Where rt Thou" - The story of a man who just wants his brother to give him a ReTweet

·         Pollo 13 - The story of an unlucky Spanish chicken

·         30 - The story of 30 Spartans who get battered really easily.

·         Hoe Alone.  A daring streetwalker works without a pimp.

·         Lord Of The Rigs -- A trucker takes control of the convoy.

·         Indiana Owns - A documentary about why Indiana is awesome

·         City of Go - Monopoly-based feature film

·         American Pi - Math Camp

·         Gone In 6 Seconds - The epic tale of a man anguished by his inability to perform in bed.

·         Aging Bull - An old overweight boxer doesn't know when to quit

·         The Ion King - After the tragic death of his father, Michael Faraday takes back what is rightfully his.

·         Easy Ride - Dennis Hopper and Jack Nicholson take their motorbikes round Ulrika Jonsson's house.

·         Forrest Ump - The story of a mentally challenged umpire who mistakes the woods for a baseball stadium

·         Avenger - One super hero gets the job done

·         Me in Black. The story of an Arab woman in her everyday outfit.

·         Cockwork Orange. The story of Cheetos and porn

·         Lazing Saddles.  The story of shiftless cowboys who let their cattle roam without them.

·         Lice in Wonderland: Wonderland isn't all rabbits, rainbows and smiling cats.

·         The -Team - The story of an average group of adults, none of whom have special attributes.

·         Peggy Sue Got Marred - A story of domestic abuse

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Quotes from Jules Renard

·         Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

·         It is not how old you are but how you are old.

·         Writing is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none.

·         Culture is what's left after you have forgotten everything.

·         I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

·         Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it.

·         If money does not make you happy; give it back.

·         Writing is the only way to talk without being interrupted.

·         If one were to build the house of happiness, the largest space would be the waiting room.

·         We don't understand life any better at forty than at twenty, but we know it and admit it.

·         I find when I do not think of myself I do not think at all.

·         Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others.

·         The only man who is really free is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.

·         Writing is the only profession where no one considers you ridiculous if you earn no money.

·         As I grow to understand life less and less, I learn to love it more and more.

·         I am never bored anywhere; being bored is an insult to oneself.

·         If I were to begin life again, I should want it as it was. I would only open my eyes a little more.

·         Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

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Bosses: via Dilbert

·         Our management team is made up of three individuals, whom we refer to as the "tin man" (who doesn't have a heart), the "scarecrow" (who doesn't have a brain), and the "lion" (who lacks any courage).

·         I was called into my Boss' office to explain why I had given an employee a copy of their performance review to take home and read prior to our review meeting. She said "We don't want employees to read their evaluations before the review meetings. It might make them angry."

·         When my Boss was asked to send a group of employees to a training program, he replied "Why would I want to send those idiots for training. They have no idea what they're doing!"

·         As a major benefit to the community my company donates food to the homeless. Shortly after my Boss became Director of this program he determined we were "losing" money. In his next staff meeting he said "Do you think there's some way we could charge the homeless."

·         Comment in a personnel meeting "I have never seen a happy husband and a happy wife, so I think employees should be prohibited from dating since the outcome can only have a negative long-term impact on the company."

·         On a particularly busy day our Boss canceled lunch and told everyone to eat at their desks. We grumbled but placed our order with the local deli. Moments later our Boss popped her head into the office and said "If you need me I'll be at the diner. Beep me if it is really important."

·         My Boss gave me a stack of papers to Xerox last week. Four days later she came and asked me if I had done the copying yet. I  told her I had done it 4 days ago and set the papers on her chair. We walked into her office to find the crumpled papers still on her chair.

·         My Boss called me in an office one day and told me to stop coming up with new ideas and asking so many questions. She said she feels she is being "challenged" when an employee does that.

·         It was raining profusely and I had to go to my car for some files. As I passed my Boss' office, I asked if I could use his umbrella since I had not brought mine. He said "No, you might get it wet."

·         In a department of only 3 employees, one was clearly not doing her share of the work. One of the two other persons being quite frustrated by the situation decided to talk to the Boss to see what could be done. The Boss' answer was simple. We shouldn't do anything since mentioning the problem to the less productive employee might upset her and we would then have 2 frustrated employees instead of only one"

·         "I realize you've worked with us since you graduated from college, but it's now time to plan for a multi-employer career."

·         "We don't have benefits or a 401K plan because employees don't seem to stay with us long."

·         "No we don't promote family members first. It's just coincidence."

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Slow, isn't he?

The wife left a note on the fridge: "It's not working, I can't take it anymore! Gone to stay at my Mother's"

I opened the fridge, the light came on and the beer was cold. I have no idea what in the hell she was talking about............the fridge works fine.

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