Found this article so true and
practical. Yes! It’s not possible to like everyone at the workplace. SO how
does a manager …manage this?? Read on!
Everybody complains about incompetent
bosses or dysfunctional co-workers, but what about irritating direct reports?
What should you do if the person you manage drives you crazy? If the behavior
is a performance issue, there's a straightforward way to address what's irking
you — but what do you do when it's an interpersonal issue? Is it possible to be
a fair boss to someone you'd avoid eating lunch with — or must you learn to
like every member of your team?
What
the Experts Say
Of course, your job would be a whole
lot easier if you liked everyone on your team. But that's not necessarily
what's best for you, the group, or the company. "People liking each other
is not a necessary component to organizational success," says Ben Dattner,
an organizational psychologist and author of The Blame Game. Robert Sutton, a
professor of management science and engineering at Stanford University and the
author of Good Boss, Bad Boss and coauthor with Huggy Rao of the forthcoming
Scaling Up Excellence, agrees. According to Sutton, "there's a list of
things that make you like people and there's a list of things that make a group
effective, and there are very different things on those lists." It's
neither possible — nor even ideal — to build a team comprised entirely of
people you'd invite to a backyard barbecue. But there are real pitfalls to
disliking an employee. Consciously or unconsciously, you might mismanage him or
treat him unfairly and fail to see the real benefit he can deliver to your
team. Here's how to get the most out of someone you don't like.
Don't
assume it's a bad thing
Sure, you may grit your teeth at her
lousy jokes or wince at the way he whistles at his desk, but feeling
less-than-sympatico with your direct reports might not be the worst thing.
"From a performance standpoint, liking the people you manage too much is a
bigger problem than liking them too little," says Sutton. The employees
you gravitate toward are probably the ones who act nice, don't deliver bad
news, and flatter you. But it's often those who provoke or challenge you that
prompt new insights and help propel the group to success. "You need people
who have different points of view and aren't afraid to argue," says
Sutton. "They are the kind of people who stop the organization from doing
stupid things."
Focus
on you
Still, the days can feel very long
when you're constantly dealing with someone you don't like. It's crucial to
learn how to handle your frustration. Rather than thinking about how irritating
the person is, focus on why you are reacting the way you are. "They didn't
create the button, they're just pushing it," says Dattner. He suggests
asking yourself the following questions:
· Is
the problem the individual or someone they remind me of? "You can have a
competent person who looks like your unkind aunt and suddenly she can do no
right."
· Am
I afraid of being like this person? If your direct report constantly interrupts
people, for example, and you worry you do too, you may react more strongly.
· Are
they a member of a group that I have issue with? This question gets into a
whole host of prejudices and possible legal issues, but you need to be honest
with yourself about any hidden biases you may have. "Try to unpack what
this person represents to you."
"You don't have to go into
therapy to figure it out but be honest with yourself about what situations or
attributes make you most irritated," Dattner says. Once you've pinpointed
the triggers that might be complicating your feelings, you may be able to
soften or alter your reaction. Remember: it's far easier to change your
perspective than to ask someone to be a different kind of person.
Put
on a good face
Everyone wants their boss to like
them. Whatever your feelings for your employee, he will be highly attuned to your
attitude and will presume that any disapproval or distaste has to do with his
performance. The onus is on you to remain fair, impartial, and composed.
"Cultivating a diplomatic poker face is important. You need to be able to
come across as professional and positive," says Dattner.
Seek
out the positive
No one is 100% annoying. Yet it's easy
to see the best in your favorites and the worst in people who bother you.
"Looking for some of the flaws of your stars and the redeeming attributes
of the people you don't like can help you be more balanced," says Dattner.
Search for what you like about the person. "Assume the best, focus on what
they're good at, and how they can help your team," says Sutton. He
suggests you regularly ask: Given their talents and their limits, what can they
do that would be best for the team? Can the over-achiever shoulder some
additional projects? Might the slow-talker's snail-paced delivery spur the
whole team to reflect more before speaking?
Keep
your bias out of reviews
When someone irks you, you need to be
especially vigilant about keeping your bias out of the evaluation and
compensation process. Dattner recommends asking yourself: "Am I using the
same standards that I use for other people?" If you find you're having trouble
being fair, Sutton suggests seeking counsel from another manager who is
familiar with the employee's work. Ask for frank feedback on whether your
evaluation matches the outsider's. You might even ask the person to play
devil's advocate, to make the case for the employee's strong points.
"Leadership is mischaracterized as a solo adventure. It's much more of a
team sport," says Sutton.
Spend
more time together
This might sound like the last thing
you want to hear, but it might help to give yourself more exposure to the
problem employee. Sometimes strong medicine is the most effective cure. Sutton
cites studies that demonstrate how collaboration on difficult tasks tends to
build affinity. "Over time, if you work together closely you may come to
appreciate them," he says. Consider staffing him to your toughest project,
or asking him to serve as your right-hand person on an important initiative.
Most importantly, remember to keep an open mind. "Your favorite employee
today might become your least favorite tomorrow. The people you like may become
untrustworthy tomorrow," says Dattner.
Principles
to Remember
Do:
· Be
honest with yourself — pinpoint the triggers that might be complicating your
feelings
· Check
your bias in evaluating the employee's performance by getting an outsider's
opinion
· Keep
an open mind — your perspective may change
Don't:
· Assume
that disliking someone is a bad thing — differing points of view are critical
to a team's success
· Let
your distaste show — everyone wants their boss to like them
· Avoid
working with the person — collaborating together on a difficult task may
positively alter your relationship
Case
study #1: Hire "allergy shots"
Linda Abraham, the co-founder of
comScores, a leading digital analytics company, established her organization on
a simple premise: hire people you respect, not necessarily people you like.
Since starting the business in 1999, she has intentionally brought in people
she didn't like but thought would be good for the team. "They're almost
like allergy shots for your organization," she says.
A few years back, she hired Dan*
against the wishes of other people on her team. Even during the interview
process, he rubbed people the wrong way. But Linda thought he had the right
skills and experience. He came from a large tech company and tended to talk a
lot about scale, which many people interpreted as advocating for bureaucracy —
a no-no in the start-up culture.
For the first six months, he made
regular observations about one of the company's products and how it could work
better. "When I really dug into what he was trying to say, I was
impressed," Linda says. While he wasn't diplomatic in his comments (he
often described things as "dumb"), he was insightful. "We ended
up scrapping the job we hired him for and had him take on the improvements he
suggested," she says.
Even in the new role, he wasn't
likable. But Linda tried to focus on the content of what he was saying rather
than the way he was saying it, and she coached others to do the same. She also
invested time in helping Dan understand how he was coming across and what he
could do to alter his style. Eventually her attitude toward him changed.
"I've come to like him quite a bit," she says. "He's ruffled
more than a few feathers along the way, but he's been promoted and has really
crushed it."
Case
study #2: Keep your bias in check
Kevin Niehaus, a business manager at a
large children's hospital, inherited a team of employees when he first took on
the role. One member of the group, Chris*, always rubbed him the wrong way.
"He was the source of 90% of the drama in our unit," Kevin says.
"It got to the point where I would discredit his ideas because I did not
like him."
One day Chris came to Kevin upset.
"He wanted to know why I didn't trust him. I quickly realized that I had
let my emotional reaction get in the way of being his manager." Kevin
decided to change his approach; he needed to be more objective. Going forward,
he intentionally paused after Chris irked him and asked himself, "Would I
care if this was anyone else?" Often the answer was no and he learned to
let certain things go. Using Chris's initial confrontation as a starting point,
Kevin also started giving him honest feedback about his behavior, which in turn
"cut down on some of the dramatics." Over time, they were able to
develop a trusting relationship where Kevin kept his emotions in check and
Chris felt heard.
*not their real names
Source: Unknown
No comments:
Post a Comment