Funny

Wife comes Home late

Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her Bedroom.

From under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.

She reaches for a Baseball Bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.

As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Hi Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them stay in our bedroom. Hope you said Hello to them…"

MY FAVOURITE EX-PRESIDENT of HUMOR - GEORGE BUSH

A very careful George Bush was driving carefully, saw the newly installed traffic camera in his city which flashed at him. George told the co-passenger I am going to embarrass the police department. I am absolutely sure I am well within the speed limit and I have not ignored red light.

He went further, turned around and came to same street again and again traffic camera winked at him. George Bush returned the wink with a big smile which he called sexy. He had fun. So he kept returning and asked his co-passenger to note the speed, signal lights and street traffic signs to be his witness. He did this five times and then with a big loud laugh returned his home. In a couple of days he received five traffic violation tickets for not wearing his seat belts.

Spanish Computer

A SPANISH Teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.

'House' for instance, is feminine: 'la casa.'

'Pencil,' however, is masculine: 'el lapiz.'

A student asked, 'What gender is 'computer'?'

Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for themselves whether computer' should be a masculine or a feminine noun. Each group was asked to give four reasons for its recommendation.

The men's group decided that 'computer' should definitely be of the feminine gender ('la computadora'), because:

1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic;

2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else;

3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in long term memory for possible later retrieval; and

4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

(THIS GETS BETTER!)

The women's group, however, concluded that computers should be Masculine ('el computador'), because:

1. In order to do anything with them, you have to turn them on;

2. They have a lot of data but still can't think for themselves;

3. They are supposed to help you solve problems, but half the time they ARE the problem; and

4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that if you had waited a little longer, you could have gotten a better model.

The women won.

The insomniac

A woman went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave her a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with her, and then told her, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you."

"I know," said the woman, "but I can't. My husband refuses to sleep alone."

False Hopes

She's single.

She lives right across the street.

I can see her house from my living room.

I watched as she got home from work this evening.

I was surprised when she walked across the street and up my driveway.

She knocked on my door...I rushed to open it.

She looks at me and says, "I just got home, and I am so horny!

I have this strong urge to have a good time get drunk, and make love all night long! Are you busy tonight?"

I immediately replied, "Nope, I'm free...I have no plans at all!"

Then she said, "Good! In that case, could you watch my dog?"

Dinner

A man and his girlfriend were out to dinner one night. The waiter tells them the night's special is chicken almandine and fresh fish.

"The chicken sounds good. I'll have that," the woman says.

The waiter nods. "And the vegetable?" he asks.

"Oh, he'll have the fish," she replies.

The Arab & The Scotsman.....

An Arab Sheik was admitted to St. Vincent Hospital for heart surgery, but prior to the surgery, the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arose. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally, so, the call went out to all the states. Finally a Scot was located who had a similar blood type. The Scot willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman as appreciation for giving his blood, a new BMW, diamonds & U.S. dollars.

A couple of days later, once again, the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the Scotsman who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After the second surgery, the Arab sent the Scotsman a thank-you card & a jar of candies.

The Scotsman was shocked that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab & asked him: "I thought you would be generous again, that you would give me a BMW, diamonds & money, but you only gave me a thank-you card & a jar of candies".

To this the Arab replied: "Aye, but I now have Scottish blood in my veins"

Sayings

Never apply Terms & Conditions in ur Relations …

Otherwise

Relations will change into CONTRACTS & can be Terminated any time

Trees are poems that earth writes upon the sky,

We fell them down and turn them into paper,

That we may record our emptiness.

~Kahlil Gibran