Marriage...

·         is a ceremony that turns your dreamboat into a barge.

·         is a mutual relationship if both parties know when to be mute.

·         is a rest period between romances.

·         is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

·         is an institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

·         is better when both the husband and wife decide that what they have is better than what they are missing.

·         is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo...

·         is like a hot bath. Once you get used to it, it's not so hot.

·         is like a mousetrap. Those on the outside are trying to get in. Those on the inside are trying to get out.

·         is like a violin. After the music is over, you still have the strings.

·         is mind over matter; if the husband doesn't mind, it doesn't matter...

·         is not a word; it is a sentence.

·         is the high sea for which no compass has yet been invented.

·         is the mourning after the knot before.

·         is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.

·         is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

·         is the process of finding out what kind of person your spouse would have really preferred.

·         is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

·         is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.

·         Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.

·         A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."

·         The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.

·         Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.

·         How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done.

·         Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

·         The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

·         Cosmetics: A woman's way of keeping a man from reading between the lines.

·         Boring husband: Honey, why are you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Bored wife: Because I married the wrong man!

·         Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.