Long Distance Relationships

In this day and age when we move away from our home town in search of better prospects, it is not unnatural to find ourselves in the middle of what we call a “Long Distance Relationship.”

Some of us get into it knowingly and some of us just find ourselves in one, though it could have been the last thing we wanted. Both are equally difficult and no one scenario is easier than the other.

You can have a long distance relationship between two partners stuck in two different cities in the same country, or it could be two countries. The former has some advantage because if you really wanted to see your partner this weekend, you can. Whichever it is, it is not easy, and it is a challenge.

It is hard to imagine someone having a long distance relationship 20 years ago, without Internet, cell phones and what not. A snail mail would take ages to reach from another country and whatever was written in that would be outdated by the time it reached. Technology has played a huge role in making such relationships last, but beware; the same technology could cause your downfall.

Be Honest, and Do Not Cheat

This is where we need to be totally honest with ourselves. Being far away from our partner does not ever grant us the right to do what we want. One can do whatever one wants to with whoever one wants to, and one’s partner may never come to know about it. If you have ever done something like this, then be assured that your relationship has already taken a few steps back without your knowledge. At some point of time in future, it will come back to haunt you if not dealt with in the right way. This is something you could try: whenever you are in doubt, you could try to ask yourself how you would feel if your partner did what you were going to do. Would you approve him/her doing it? No? Would you feel hurt if he/she did it? Yes? Then you have no right to go ahead with whatever you were going to do.

Ever Felt Misunderstood?

It’s very easy to misunderstand your partners tone over the phone. Worse, it’s easier to misunderstand over the Internet. You can always tune words into what you want to hear and in that process the real meaning gets lost. Honestly, there is nothing much we can do about this. This is bound to happen often and I think that us being aware that it could be a misunderstanding, is a good start. Remember that what tone you got from her message, need not necessarily have to be the way she meant it to be.

Always Clarify

Being out of sight, you are sure to hear about your partner from friends and other known people. News can get twisted by the time it reaches you and it could be far from reality. Do not jump into a conclusion by listening to the words of a third person. Always clarify it with your partner and be careful to not use an accusing tone. You are not accusing them, but only clarifying what you heard and setting it straight.

Frustrated? Deal With It!

Frustrations will happen. Physical closeness is such an important part of any relationship and when that is missing, it could throw the system into chaos. But do you want to give it all up because of some temporary frustrations?

Along with distance, you will begin to see a new side to your partner. A side that you may wish never existed and this could always lead to frustrations and fights. Understand that no one comes with only positive traits. The negatives remain hidden at first and the closer you get, the more it is revealed. A cruel joke, don't you think? But you will feel this way irrespective of who you are with.

Space it Out

Frustrations and fights happen. Don't be in a hurry to resolve it. Some people tell their partner that they should never ever let the sun go down before they resolve an issue. It does not always work that way. What’s the hurry? You may be able to can cool down and resolve something in a few minutes and you would love to have it that way. Your partner on the other hand, needs more space and time before he/she has cooled down and sometimes this could extend into the next day. Remember that different people have different time spans before that are ready to talk about or resolve an issue. So respect your partner’s space.

Surprise Does Magic

Do things those are unexpected. Send a snail mail. Nothing beats the feeling of receiving something that was hand written by your partner. It feels more real and there is a different kind of connection. Plan a surprise call when your partner is not expecting one. If it goes unanswered, worry not, try later. If it goes through, just say, "I called to say that I love you." You can also send some packages occasionally that would surprise your partner. The scopes of surprises are unlimited. Be creative and put an extra conscious effort into it always. The benefits are great.

Believe, for it shall pass

The distance is not permanent. It shall pass in due time. Ask yourself if what you have is worth holding on to, in spite of the hardships. If the answer is yes, then the pain, anger and frustrations of a long distance relationship are really worth it. Don't ever give up on something so precious, because of distance. How bad can a few months or years be? You both have a lifetime together…

Trust is the Key

Trust is the most important factor in a long distance relationship and any relationship. You cannot doubt and you cannot keep checking on your partner. You need to trust them blindly and this can be a very hard thing to come by, especially if you have had your trust broken in the past. It is important to work towards believing for a fact that your partner would not let you down and be assured that your partner believes the same of you. If you ever see a small doubt creeping in, be sure to address it as soon as possible and clear it with your partner. If you ignore it, it will only grow like a tumor, until it’s too late to cure.

No Conditions

You need to trust your partner unconditionally. Never use statements like, "I will trust you if you call me every day." Or, "I will trust you if you mail me every day." Remember that your partner is not your hostage. The phone may not ring for a few days and your inbox may remain empty and that in no way means your partner has stopped loving you. Trust them even if you don't hear from them for a while. There is always a good reason. You may also have expectations, but it in no way means that they have to be met. Some would be met and some may not. Appreciate your partner for what they do for you.

No answer? Don't Panic

Ever tried calling your partner and all the phone did was ring on and on? And what did you think? That he/she has forgotten about you and moved on? I agree that it could be the most frustrating feeling for you. It is for everyone, and calling becomes more complex because you are both in two different cities with a very different work schedule that could complicate things. Ask yourself what could have happened before you jump to any conclusions. Your partner could be at work. The phone would have run out of battery or it may have been on silent mode. Maybe they did not hear it, and hey, maybe they did not want to talk to you that day. Is there a rule that states that your partner should be willing to speak to you whenever you want to?