1. ANGST: A form of suffering caused by too much thinking; a phenomenon probably incomprehensible to anyone who owns a recreational vehicle.
2. BOSS: A personal dictator appointed to those of us fortunate enough to live in free societies.
3. CLIQUE: A group of insiders who greet outsiders with their backsides; a closed circle of asses.
4. DENIAL: How an optimist keeps from becoming a pessimist.
5. EXPERIENCE: In the working world, something you can't get unless you've already got it, in which case you probably don't want any more of it.
6. FUNERAL HOME: A stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them.
7. GENETIC ENGINEERING: Tampering with chromosomes so that science might develop a new miracle cure or a rabbit that plays the banjo.
8. HOUSEPLANTS: Vegetable companions; pleasant green pets that rarely bite or throw up on the carpet.
9. IDEOLOGUE: Typically an obscure humorless zealot who finds fulfillment by spouting the ideas of famous humorless zealots.
10. JOB: A state of employment everyone wants but few look forward to on a Monday morning.
11. KLEPTOMANIAC: A thief with breeding.
12. LAWYER: A professional advocate hired to bend the law on behalf of a paying client; for this reason considered the most suitable background for entry into politics.
13. MATH ANXIETY: An intense lifelong fear of two trains approaching each other at speeds of 60 and 80 mph.
14. NEIGHBORS: The strangers who live next door.
15. OBITUARY: A final summation of our lives that, for most of us, occupies about three inches of space in what will shortly become cage liner for our neighbor's parakeet.
16. PARASITE: A base creature that extracts a living from the lives of others, like a tapeworm or a biographer.
17. QUAGMIRE: Any situation more easily entered into than exited from; e.g., a guerrilla war, a bad marriage or a conversation with an insurance salesman.
18. REVOLUTIONARY: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.
19. STATE-OF-THE-ART: Soon-to-be-obsolete.
20. TABOO: Any strict cultural prohibition that, when breached, causes everyone in the group to gasp; e.g., cannibalism, public nudity, serving fried pork rinds at a Hasidic wedding, or answering the question "How are you?" in the negative.
21. URINAL: The one place where all men are peers.
22. VOTING: The right of our citizens to do as they please behind a curtain, as long as they do it alone.
23. WAKE:
a. 1. A convivial soiree with a preserved corpse in the room.
b. 2. What the mourners would be visibly startled to see the corpse do, especially those expecting a sizable inheritance.
24. X-RAY: A diagnostic tool used to detect existing cancerous growths and create new ones for future examinations to reveal.
25. Y-CHROMOSOME: A line of genes designed for men only; the cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions, and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.
26. ZOMBIE: A mirthless creature beloved by teenage horror movie fans and those in charge of the hiring at accounting firms.
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